Funny non-smutty jokes

A place where you can add your jokes (Clean !!) Also Trivia questions, stories not related to Corfu (funny ones), quizzes on music, television. etc etc.

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Planetolivewood
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Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Planetolivewood » Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:56 am

I love this one. I have never laughed so much at a joke which does not contain bad language or smuttiness (not that I mind the latter :smile: )

Three rabbits were talking about road safety. Rabbit 3 was wondering how rabbit 1 and 2 always make it across the road without getting flattened.

Rabbit 1 and 2 talk about their secret technique and arrange to meet rabbit 3 at the roadside that evening for a demonstration.

Evening arrives and rabbits 1 and 2 share their secret: "Wait until you see the headlights and line yourself up in the middle of them." Rabbit 1 proceeds to demonstrate and the car passes over him. "Now you try" he says to rabbit 3.

Rabbit 3 sees headlights in the distance and, as instructed, lines himself up in the middle of them. The car passes and Rabbit 3 is squashed flat ? :blush:

Rabbit 1 turns to rabbit 2 and says "That's the first Robin Reliant I have seen in ages."

Chris
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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Chris » Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:27 pm




Brilliant Kev. Still laughing now. Keep them coming.

Keira
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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Keira » Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:09 pm

Very good kev,

did you hear the one about....Two lions escape from London Zoo.
As they are walking through Trafalgar Square one says to the other,
:You'd think there'd be more people about, wouldn't you ? : :wink:

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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Chris » Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:21 pm



I heard a similar one Keira.

Two lions escape from London Zoo, and our walking through Trafalgar Square. One lion turns to the other and says, lets get out of here quick, look what happened to the previous ones who escaped.

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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Chris » Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:47 am

The Irish Millionaire.

Mick, from Dublin ,appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left –
phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question... will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple...... It's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm 100% sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is, Sir."

There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!

Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. "Tell me, Paddy, How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" "Because he lives in a clock!"

Keira
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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Keira » Mon Apr 19, 2010 4:41 pm

that sounds like Pat and Mick........they were walking along when suddenly Paddy falls down a hole.
: Paddy; 'jesus, this hole's got milk in it :
: Mick;: Is it pasteurised ? ;
: Paddy; :No it's just up to my ankles :

handyman
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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by handyman » Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:52 pm

I have to say that im still laughing...

"my story" then:
The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over today.

But you have the only ass.

Feel better now?

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Re: Funny non-smutty jokes

Post by Keira » Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:33 pm

Q., What do you call a tiny donkey ,wearing stockings and suspenders, with one eye and only three legs ?.

A., A dinky kinky winky wonky donkey.

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